Today we have my good friend Phoebe, ‘chief rambler’ at So You’re Getting Married. We met whilst I was planning my wedding and then she kindly showed it off to the world on her fabulous wedding blog. When we met for the first time she pinched my bum and I knew we would become the best of friends. I talk about babies a lot on Life, Love, Laura because that is where I am at in my life at the moment. I do, however, fully understand the other end of the spectrum. Following on from Lyndsay’s post yesterday about being 31 and childless, Phoebe discusses one of the most annoying things a person can ask a married couple…
I am 26, Michael is 27. We are married, we have a dog, we bought a house, we both work (me less so) and so the natural progression that society forces on us is that we are now duty bound to have children. We have been married for nearly 3 years and in this time I have lost count at the amount of times I have been asked “so when are you having children?” or some derivative.
The worst question I was asked was “so when are you getting pregnant?”. I know what they were implying but the wording of the question was ridiculous. The truthful answer was, well I have been pregnant, I had a miscarriage and I am not that keen to get that ball rolling again thank you. Do they actually want to hear that? No.
I am sure that even if you have been together with your partner for a substantial amount of time you will get asked “so when are you getting married?”. What is with people and their incessant need to know what your life itinerary is. All you are doing is making everyone involved very uncomfortable because there is always a reason why it hasn’t happened.
Just think about what you are asking that couple. You are not asking them if they plan on having children you are asking them if they are having sex, you are asking if they are both fertile, you are asking if they are in the right place mentally and financially, you are asking if they are both on the same page, you are even asking if they like children. What if they found out they can’t have children, your questions are a painful reminder. What if she wants them but he doesn’t? Another stab in the heart each time the topic is brought up. And what if they haven’t had sex in 5 years? Ouch.
Apparently, if you get married, are fertile, have a house and money and don’t have children then you are selfish. You are meant to procreate and give back to the world. Every time I get asked I answer “I don’t want children” and women look at me like I just skinned a puppy in front of their eyes but its the truth. I don’t want children, I never have and I don’t think I ever will. Perhaps this will change but in the meantime, please stop asking. It really is none of your business.